


Ruined

by Butterballs



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, PWP that accidentally became plotty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-11-26 14:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterballs/pseuds/Butterballs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili offers to buy Kili time with a prostitute after finding out that Kili is still a virgin at the ripe old age of 70. The only problem is, Kili wants his brother to have the privilege of taking that from him. </p><p>Then when Fili does it's not what he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ruined

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry all...once I started writing it this went in a totally different direction that I expected it to. o_O

Kili decided that drinking with his brother until the wee small hours of the morning was a mistake. There was nothing wrong with the ale (it was fine and free-flowing, and sometimes free depending on who the tavern master was) or the company (Kili would happily follow Fili through hell and back) or even being unable to handle his drink, as Kili had proved the entire tavern wrong one night when his stamina was questioned. He emptied the patron's pockets and woke up wishing he were dead. It was a good night.

No, the problem was that the conversation _always_ seem to turn to each man or Dwarf's prowess in the bedroom. Usually it started with some man deep in his cups boasting about the previous night's conquest; another, drunker man trying to best him; and the conversation simply degenerated from there. Fili and Kili were usually tucked away in a corner of the bar, free from curious eyes and lewd comments. On this particular occasion, however, Fili was in the middle of a trip to the bar when the proverbial mud slinging started. 

'You should'a seen the lass I took to bed last night, lads,' a man named Barak* bellowed. 'Fine fat hips, tits like melons and hair the colour of sunset. Sunset! She said it was lucky. She was certainly lucky when I was done with her,' He made a vulgar gesture with his hips. Over in their usual corner, Kili rolled his eyes. 

'What was her name?' one of the other patrons asked. 

'I dunno, does it matter?' Barak snorted. ' _She_ couldn't remember her own name when we were finished. I tell ya, you should have heard the squeals - '

'You're full of it, Barak, the only one squealing was _you_ because you couldn't keep it up,' scorned a friend of his by the name of Garath*. 'I can moisten a woman's drawers with merely a wink, and then they're falling all over me, desperate to experience the might that is - ' he finished the sentence by grabbing himself through his trousers.

'Liars!' yelled a third man. His name was Mandor* and he was the sort of chap who went around in full armour, sword at the ready, telling all and sundry that he was a knight - making him the biggest fabricator of all. ‘I had _two_ ladies at once not three nights past. And by the time I was done - the seventh time, mind you - they were cross-eyed and walking bow-legged. And still, still they said "thank you, Mandor, king of men, mightiest of cock, we will ever remember how being split upon your length was akin to going to heaven".' He paused for effect, and then the entire tavern doubled over in raucous laughter. Fili was laughing so hard he had to put down his two pints and regain composure. He caught Kili's eye and winked, as if to say, 'Can you believe these idiots?'

Mandor noticed Fili laughing and folded his arms threateningly. 'Think that's funny, do you, Dwarf?' He looked Fili up and down. 'Do Dwarves even have a cock? Are you aware of the pleasures of the flesh? Some say that you lot just pop up out of holes in the ground, and could therefore not possibly understand what it's like to bed a woman.'

'And even if you do have the necessary gear,' Barak added, 'I bet it's too small to use. No woman, or man for that matter, could hope to be satisfied by a tiny Dwarf-worm when there's proper man-sausage to be had!' 

Fili almost fell over laughing again at the men's hyperbole. He wasn't frightened; he and Kili visited this particular tavern quite frequently and were well known enough that the other patrons could poke fun at them without fear of losing their heads. 'Stop, stop, please, you're killing me. _Man-sausage_?' He slapped the bar with mirth. 'I fear someone's been telling you fairy-stories about Dwarves, my good man. Small in stature we may be, but as you know, our might is unequaled in the mines, in the forge, and between the legs.' He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Barak, Garath and Mandor roared with glee. 'Is that right?' Garath asked. 'So the sword is well out of proportion to the swordsman, then?'

'Not absurdly so,' Fili replied modestly. 'But I've had plenty of tumbles between the sheets, and even more offers, and have never _not_ had a lass - or lad - try to break down my door in the days following, begging me to take them in marriage.'

Barak slapped Fili's back and chuckled once more, apparently having decided that Fili was all right. 'And what about the other one? Aren't there usually two of you? The dark, pretty, beardless one?'

Kili glowered into his empty mug at this description of himself. Fili spared him a sympathetic glance. 'My brother's beard, or lack thereof - and you must remember he's still quite young, for a Dwarf - has never stopped him receiving more than his fair share of attention. Isn't that right, Kili?'

Kili had dearly hoped to avoid this sort of exchange but he resignedly eased himself out of his seat and went over to join his brother. 'I may be pretty (or so people keep telling me) but women and men alike seem to prefer that sort of thing. _Human_ men and women, not just Dwarves, and clean ones, at that! Clean, respectable girls, not flea-ridden whores the likes of which I'm sure you're talking about.' He was slightly afraid he'd gone too far with that comment but it didn't seem to bother the men. Rather, they chucked harder.

'I don't at all doubt that the likes of you would receive a few admiring stares from clean, pretty girls,' Mandor smirked, 'but looks are just that, aren't they? Looks. You don't mention actually managing to talk them into your bed. In fact, I bet you never have.'

Kili felt himself begin to colour. 'I have too,' he blurted, hating how much of a child he sounded. 'Many times. I don't even have to ask. They just - ' he struggled to think of something ridiculous and over-the-top to say like Fili. 

Fortunately, Fili chose that moment to rescue him, grabbing Kili by the elbow and steering him out the door of the tavern. 'Just take our word for it, lads!' was his parting comment to the men as he and Kili thrust themselves into the cold night.

'Thank you,' Kili mumbled. He picked at mothball on his coat.

'You looked like you were floundering,' Fili replied, unable to keep the grin from his face. 'And you were turning the most fetching shade of scarlet.' 

'Shut up, Have you _really_ done it with scores of Dwarf-maids? And men?'

Fili laughed. 'Not scores. A few, yes.'

'But you said - '

'Everybody in all the taverns in the world embellishes these things,' Fili explained patiently. 'The story of what you've _actually_ done is short and probably boring.'

Kili frowned. 'So those other men...'

'I highly doubt their abilities in the bedroom are as impressive as they say. Barak is such an enormous bear of a man that women are probably afraid to go near him; Garath wears a piece of rope for a belt, for Durin's sake, I doubt the lasses are lining up at his door; and Mandor talks too much to ever get to the removing of clothing. I wouldn't feel threatened by the likes of them.' 

Kili remained flushed pink. He walked on. 

'You _have_ experienced, as they say, 'pleasures of the flesh', haven't you, Kili?'

'Naturally.' Kili did not meet his brother's inquisitive gaze. His cheeks felt as if they were on fire. He most definitely had not, actually, ever, and it was a source of constant internal embarrassment for him. He was not long seventy, young for a Dwarf, of course, but also well past the age when most Dwarves can no longer call themselves virgin.

'Because it seems like you would have told me, if you had.'

'Fili, please let it go. If I say I've had relations - ' Gods, it sounded stupid even as he said it, 'then I've had relations.'

Fili snorted. 'Kili, nobody who has actually "had relations" calls it that.' He stopped walking for a moment and examined Kili closely. 'Brother, look at me.'

Kili met his eyes reluctantly.

'You've never been any good at lying, do you know that? Not only do you turn redder than the fires of Mount Doom, your ears twitch.'

Kili's hands flew to his ears. 'You're making that up!'

Fili shook his head. 'You should have just told me. I can help you, you know.'

 _You really can't,_ Kili mused, choosing not to voicing the thought aloud. Instead, he said, 'I don't know about that, Fili,'

'Of course I can!' They finally reached home, Fili elbowing past Kili to collapse in his bed in the room they shared together. 'Let me sleep on it. I'll think of something,' He rolled over and immediately started snoring (a bit theatrically, Kili thought).

Kili couldn’t sleep for a long time. He had actually decided, some years ago (and was typical Dwarf custom), that he wasn’t going to give himself up to the first person that offered, and was now trying desperately to think of a way to express this to Fili without sounding too much, well…like the human girls they saw in the taverns sometimes, crying over some idiot who broke their heart. He wanted the first time to be special. He wanted the first time to be with someone he loved. 

He wanted the first time to be with Fili.

It was most un-brotherly to think this way but Kili was long past the point of caring (about the moral aspects of the dilemma, at least). When he initially realized he felt this way he felt sick for days, couldn’t face Fili, couldn’t face anyone, but eventually disgust gave way to a sharp pain his heart, and as the years passed, a dull ache. It was difficult to push those thoughts about his brother far into a deep, dark corner of his mind until he could almost no longer find them, but damn if he wasn’t always trying. Sometimes it even seemed to be working. 

Kili drifted off to sleep with his brother’s snores echoing in his ears. He was not looking forward to the following day of ignoring awkward questions from Fili. Maybe he could sneak off early and avoid them altogether.

***

He woke up bloody late, of course, so late that Fili actually jumped on top of him to rouse him from sleep.

‘Wake up, little brother, we’ve got a big day ahead of us!’ he crowed. ‘Today’s the day we free you from the shackles of childhood once and for all!’

Kili pulled the pillow over his head. ‘Must you announce it to the entire blasted household?’

‘If you don’t get up now I’m telling all our neighbours, too. Get _up_ , Kili, get dressed and eat quickly. We need to get there early.’

Kili eyed him uneasily. ‘Where’s that?’

Fili’s answering grin was filled with mischief. ‘You’ll see.’

***

They rode in silence for over an hour before reaching the next town. Kili was still unsure of what Fili’s grand plan could be but a decidedly uneasy feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach. 

They pulled the ponies up in front of an unmarked building and Fili gave a man a gold coin to mind them. (‘You pay gold, they don’t steal the ponies,’ Fili explained.) Kili was still confused until he saw the red flag hanging over the door to the building – and then he understood.

‘No, no, a thousand times no, I am not paying some harlot to rob me of what isn’t all that terrible to have in the first place,’ he said quickly, running his words together. He would have run away were it not for Fili’s firm grip on his forearm. 

‘That’s the beauty of it, brother!’ Fili replied brightly. ‘You’re not paying for anything, I am. It is my gift to you. And it’s still rather early, so all the whores are clean and have had no other customers for the day, and can thus give you a truly unforgettable first experience.’

Kili stared him for a full minute. Fili’s wide-eyed hopefulness did not falter under the penetrating gaze. 

‘You’re quite serious about this.’

‘Quite,’ Fili mocked. ‘Come on, just come inside and have a look, if nothing else. If none of them take your fancy we’ll go elsewhere.’ A pause. ‘Or back home, if you insist.’

Kili let that go for the moment and followed his brother inside. They were greeted by a tall, voluptuous woman with raven-black hair, full red lips and what looked like charcoal smudged around her eyes. She was wearing a violet lace dress that she was almost spilling out of, and might have been beautiful in her day, but now looked haggard and worn out. 

‘My Lords,’ she intoned warmly, ‘My name is Ila, and welcome to the finest brothel you’ll find in these parts for a hundred miles.’ (Later, Fili said to Kili that ‘it’s more like thirty, but still a fairly decent establishment.’) ‘All of my girls and boys are washed and ready for you. Did you have someone special in mind?’ Really, she was asking _Can you actually afford one of my whores or are you wasting my time?_

 

Fili shook his full purse. ‘Cost is of no matter, my lady. My brother here is the guest of honour this morning. Kili, why don’t you tell Ila what you would like?’

Ila nodded enthusiastically. ‘Would you like a boy or a girl, my lord? One from the race of Men or Dwarf-kind? I haven’t got any Elves but I’m sure we can work something out if you’re willing to pay for the privilege. Short? Tall? Young? Old? Fair or dark?’

Kili couldn’t think of a single thing to say. ‘Er – ‘

‘Bring out Mabra,’ Fili suggested. Ila nodded in agreement.

‘Good choice, yes, good choice indeed. Mabra!’

The curtains to the back of the room parted and a young Dwarf maiden stepped out. She was maybe a little older than Kili and dark, like him; her hair and beard braided neatly. Her eyes were a deep brown and sparkled prettily, and she was wearing a plain navy blue dress cut extremely suggestively as to display the figure beneath. She curtsied flawlessly when she saw Kili.

‘What do you think?’ Ila asked. ‘Is this young lass suitable?’

Kili stared at the wall, resolutely refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. ‘Um – ‘

‘Or a male version of her, if that is your preference?’ Ila pressed. ‘Lufur!’

A second Dwarf slipped through the curtains and positioned himself next to Mabra, bowing deeply as he did so. He was almost a mirror image of her – dark hair and eyes, rather pretty for a dwarf. Kili privately thought that Lufur looked a lot like him, and immediately crossed him off the list. To jump into bed with his double was just too odd.

‘They’re so much alike,’ Fili remarked. Ila nodded.

‘They are brother and sister. They work marvelously together, if your budget allows.’

Fili nudged Kili in the ribs. ‘Wouldn’t _that_ be something?’ he whispered conspiratorially. ‘Now _that_ , that you would not forget.’

Kili elbowed Fili back a little harder than necessary but did not respond. He finally met the madam’s eyes. ‘I thank you, lady Ila, for your time, but I do not believe you can provide me with what I desire. Good day to you,’ he said stiffly, and turned and left the brothel before his brother could stop him. 

He grabbed their ponies back off the man minding them and made off in the direction of home, paying no heed to Fili’s shouting behind him.

***  
Kili set out hunting as soon as he was back home. To Dis and Thorin he said it was to provide supper, for which they were pleased, but really it was about avoiding Fili, who was not likely to be impressed at his brother’s dramatic rejection of the proposed gift, and least of all at having to walk home (as his pony had followed Kili’s in his mad rush to escape).

He shot three quails and a rabbit without really trying and then sat down on a rock to think. He had to come up with some plausible excuse for running away, one that didn’t involve confessing his desires to Fili. Maybe he could say he wasn’t ready, or that they should keep the money for other things – ‘Maybe I could say that I’ve found my one and am simply waiting for the right time,’ Kili murmured aloud.

‘And have you?’ said a loud voice from somewhere behind him. Kili jumped and turned just in time for Fili to appear from behind a large boulder. He swallowed audibly, his throat suddenly dry.

‘Yes,’ Kili replied honestly. ‘I have.’ It wasn’t a lie, really. Fili _could_ be his one but he wasn’t ready to explore that possibility yet, having only recently come accustomed to burying away his inappropriate fantasies. It was unbearable to think he may never love anyone else.

Fili squeezed his shoulder supportively. ‘Why didn’t you say so? It’s entirely different if you’d prefer to wait for her – or him.’

‘You didn’t really give me a chance,’ Kili said with a sidelong glance at his brother. They sat there together for a while, enjoying the late afternoon breeze on their faces.

‘So who is it?’ Fili asked eventually. It was strange that Kili had not already confided this information to him.

‘I can’t say,’ Kili answered quietly. ‘It might not even be true. But I think about him a lot, and I don’t want the first time to be with anyone else.’

‘So it’s a him, then!’ Fili said triumphantly. ‘That narrows it down. So, what does he look like?’

Kili smiled to himself at his brother’s efforts to wheedle a name out of him. _He’ll never ever guess._ ‘Nice try, Fili, but I’m not revealing that.’

Fili pouted. ‘How about now?’

Kili raised an eyebrow. ‘No.’

‘Now?’

‘Fili!’

The pout changed to one of Fili’s patented, deeply dimpled blinding grins. ‘You know who I think it is?’

‘Who?’

‘Me!’ And he burst out laughing, slapping his thighs with the hilarity of it all. It was because of this that he missed Kili’s expression of pure, terrified anguish and the way all of the colour instantly fell away from his cheeks. It was because of this that Kili had just enough time to pull himself together and join in the laughter. He wondered if it sounded as forced to Fili as it did to him.

‘Oh, please, _brother_ ,’ he said, putting special emphasis on the term, ‘You should be so fortunate.’ Fili ruffled his hair maddeningly, and the two of them returned home with the results of Kili’s hunt, giving the younger Dwarf some time to contain the frantic beating of his heart.

***

Kili was torn how to behave for the next few days. He dearly wanted to avoid Fili altogether and try to drink or fight or hunt his shame away elsewhere, but if he sought seclusion his too-perceptive brother would know instantly that something wasn't right. Being around Fili was proving to be just as painful, though, and for the following week he wore an expression of pained interest, less a smile than a display of teeth. 

Fili's bout of laughter at the suggestion that _he_ be the one to deflower Kili echoed cruelly in his ears. _You best find another object for your affections,_ a small voice in his head said. _You're wasting yourself waiting for your brother. You heard him, he finds the whole notion positively laughable._

Fortunately for him Fili appeared to have let go of the idea of finding someone - anyone - to warm Kili's bed. Indeed, he was being almost _too_ quiet, _too_ nonchalant, and it confused Kili greatly after his initial insistance for Kili to find a partner. Until his actions said otherwise, Kili was treating his elder sibling with great suspicion. 

It was a full week after their ill-fated jaunt to the brothel when Fili turned to Kili one morning and commented cheerfully, 'You know, it's really very admirable.'

Kili had barely woken up and hadn't the foggiest clue what Fili was talking about. He eyeballed his brother groggily. 'What's that?'

'Your intention to wait until marriage. That's what our ancestors did. It's charming that you're carrying on the tradition.'

 _Charming?_ Kili wanted to hit him. 'I never said I intended to wait until marriage. The way Thorin keeps going on about one day reclaiming Erebor, neither of us are going to have any time for that sort of thing. I just don't intend to throw myself at the first Dwarf to stroll by.'

Fili sat up, appearing to consider something before bouncing over to join Kili on his bed. Kili exhaled noisily and turned away, trying to make it clear from his body language that it was simply too early for this kind of shit. 'You know, you still haven't told me who you fancy,' Fili pointed out. He grabbed Kili's shoulder and rolled him onto his back.

'I don't _fancy_ anyone,' Kili shot back acidly, suddenly overcome with irritation at how childishly he was being treated. 'Must you make it sound so...so frivolous? All I said was that, if I had to choose, my first time in a - ' he blushed deeply, ' - a bedroom situation would be with him. I don't know if he's my 'one', as you say. In fact, he's probably not. But he's very comely, and a skilled fighter, and good company when he's not pestering me with stupid personal questions first thing in the morning.'

Fili's eyes widened in the same instant Kili realised what he'd implied. 'Did you mean - '

'Forget it!' Kili yelled, dragging his blanket over his head. 'It was a ridiculous notion anyway, just an absurd fantasy, now please go away and leave me to my shame.'

Fili's weight on the edge of the bed didn't move, however. After several seconds of uncomfortable silence Kili peeked out from beneath the blanket. Fili, to his surprise, didn't look disgusted, rather more...contemplative.

'I could, you know,' Fili mused, apparently to himself. 'It doesn't sound entirely objectionable.'

Kili's eyes clouded with hurt. 'How reassuring that you don't find me _objectionable_ , brother.'

Fili waved the comment away. 'It's not that, idiot. You are also rather comely and a skilled fighter and good company when you're not moping all over the place. It's...I don't know. Aren't there moral consequences?'

Kili blinked. 'Um - '

'Yes, I expect there are, to a point. Siblings generally don't lie with each other, do they? I've heard sometimes the Elves do but we can hardly take them as an example. Men certainly don't but Men are prudish all round, so again, we cannot model our behaviour on theirs.' Fili frowned. 'Perhaps it's only considered... _undesirable_ or _wrong_ if - if those around us were to find out.'

'Fili, I'm really not sure where you're going with this - '

Fili grabbed suddenly at the collar of Kili's nightshirt and hoisted him unto an upright position. Without further commentary, without giving his startled brother any time to react, he clamped his mouth over Kili's. It was a terrible kiss, really; Fili was stiff and unsure and Kili's brain wasn't processing this nearly as fast as it should have been. Eventually, though, Kili's mouth softened against the assault and his tongue shyly emerged to meet Fili's. He half-expected Fili to recoil with revulsion and run from the room screaming, but he didn't - his tongue met Kili's and curled around it experimentally, as if Kili was a new dish he hadn't tried and wasn't sure if he'd like the taste. Kili moaned quietly, the sound lost in Fili's mouth, and placed one tentative hand on the back of Fili's neck. 

When Fili pulled away he was smiling. 'That was pleasant.'

Kili smacked the back of his head. ' _Pleasant_?'

'Well, it was only a first try. We'd need to do it again for me to make an accurate judgement.' He paused. 'But maybe I should kiss you elsewhere. You know. To see if the experience is the same.' Fili grinned mischievously, all reservation gone.

'Are you certain?' Kili asked nervously. 'Once we do this...'

Fili shrugged. 'We were brothers before, we will still be brothers afterwards. What has to change? Although, in saying that, I don't recommend telling Mother. Or Thorin. Or anyone.'

Something deep inside Kili twinged uneasily with what might have been regret. He stamped the feeling down for the moment. 'Of course not.'

'Then lay back and prepare yourself, little brother. I promise you won't forget this, nor will you want to.' Fili dropped his head to Kili's neck and kissed his way down, paying close attention to the areas that made Kili gasp and whimper and beg him to keep going. He bit down when he reached the join of shoulder and neck, causing Kili to cry out at the sudden shock of pleasure through his body. Kili scratched madly at Fili's still-clothed back, wordlessly asking for more.

As if hearing him, Fili tore Kili's nightshirt over his head and carelessly discarded the garment on the floor, bending back down to suck gently on a nipple. Through the overwhelming sensations and choked-out groans, Kili managed to say, 'Fili, please, let me, I want to - I want to - ' His breath, and subsequently the remainder of his sentence, was cut short when Fili cupped his erection firmly through the thin, soft breeches he wore to bed. He swatted the hand away and tried to sit up, wanting so badly to cover Fili's body with his own kisses, wanting to mark his brother - his _brother_ \- with the evidence that they belonged to each other. He wanted to make Fili's voice hoarse with crying out from his touch. 

But Fili pushed him back down and removed Kili's breeches, ignoring the effort Kili was making to touch him. 'No, Kili,' he chided as he pulled his own tunic over his head, 'This is about making this experience perfect for you. Let me worship you; relax and feel everything that's to come.' He grinned lopsidedly. 'Because you will be, soon.'

Kili laughed weakly as stab of what felt almost like pain shot through his chest, making him wince. Something didn't feel quite right here. This was not how he imagined the first time with Fili - he pictured the two of them participating as equals and instead he wasn't permitted to touch or explore. This - this restriction. this passiveness, this was not what he wanted.

He opened his mouth to say as much to Fili but again only a keening whine came out, as Fili had licked his cock, just once, with a warm, wet tongue. 'Fuck,' he gasped, digging his hands into the pillow above him, 'Do that again!'

Above him, Fili was unlacing his own trousers (but not removing them completely) and lazily pulling on his cock while staring at Kili's. A tiny bead of something clear had gathered at the tip and Kili licked his lips, impulsively darting forward to lick it off. Fili closed his eyes and growled, shoving Kili back harshly

'I said this was about you,' he grated, moving back and away from the bed, and for a second Kili was seriously afraid he'd actually upset his brother and he'd be left there hard and wanting. Once again, he ignored the faint, insistent voice deep in his mind that said _You shouldn't be worrying about offending your lover; that's not how these things work, he should be happy for the attention._  
But Fili didn't leave; he fished around under his own bed and produced a small bottle of oil. Kili didn't dare think about what it was doing under there in the first place. He fixed Kili with a measured, predatory stare.

'I'm going to fuck you now, brother,' he explained, eyes never leaving Kili's as he poured the oil over his cock. 'It's going to hurt at first. It usually does. Then it'll become uncomfortable but the burn will ease. And then...then it will feel incredible, if your lover knows what they're doing.' He chuckled. 'Which I certainly do.'

Kili's breath quickened. 'What do I need to do?'

Fili climbed back on the bed and pushed his brother's legs up to allow easier access to his opening. 'Nothing. Just relax.'

'Shouldn't you - I don't know - ' Kili ducked his head, embarassed. 'Don't your - fingers go first?' he asked haltingly.

'Sometimes,' Fili agreed. 'But not always. I've found that it doesn't necessarily help. There's really no comparison between a finger or two and a cock. That's why you use a lot of oil and go slowly and gently. Of course,' he squeezed his eyes shut, hands holding onto Kili's hips hard enough to mark, 'It's harder to go gently and maintain that control when your lover is so beautifully tight.' He lined himself up at Kili’s hole and said, ‘Tell me if you need me to stop.’

Kili couldn’t lie, it really hurt to begin with – that initial stretch against an invasion he was so sure he wanted. He bit his lip and kept his eyes closed until Fili was flush against him and then released a shaky breath, stretching out fingers whose nails had left tiny red half-moons in Fili’s biceps.

Fili pushed a stray lock of Kili’s hair back behind his ear. ‘Are you all right?’

Kili nodded. ‘Feels strange. In a good way.’ He looked up at Fili, who was visibly sweating with the effort of trying to control himself. ‘You can move, if you like. Slowly.’

And he did, nearly excruciatingly so. Fili was almost all of the way out before he thrust back in, biting down on a groan. ‘Lift your legs,’ he commanded.

Kili did as instructed, his brows knitted in confusion. ‘This is as far up as they go – oh, _fuck_ , Fili, what was _that_?’

Fili smiled smugly. ‘A gift from the gods.’ He thrust harder, deeper, but not faster – rather, he thrust more slowly, so that Kili had a full second to recover from being overcome with pleasure at his prostate being hit before Fili hit it again and forced coherent thought from his mind. 

Kii was struggling to breathe, to say anything to his brother that might communicate his need for _more, fuck you, harder, I don’t want to remember anything before this moment_. He tried to force himself down on Fili in lieu of actual words, much to the other Dwarf’s amusement.

‘What did I say before, Kili?’ Fili chided after a particularly long, drawn-out thrust. ‘This is about you. I am in control, I am showing you the pleasures of the flesh previously unknown to you.’ He thrust again, harder this time. Kili looked about on the edge of pleading. ‘I’ve ruined you, you know. Nobody is ever going to be better than this, nothing is ever going to beat fucking your _brother._ ’

On the word _brother_ he started to thrust quick and hard, no longer sweet and careful, intent only on turning Kili into a shuddering mess. He wrapped his hand around Kili’s cock and stroked gently, remembering how sensitive and overcome with sensation he was during his own first time. Kili looked like he’d just about lost his mind – sweaty-faced and glazed-eyed and the most angelic, _wrong_ thing that Kili had ever seen. He was trying to mouth something.

Kili glanced down at his brother’s hand on his cock and his brother’s cock up his ass and his brother’s face twisted with orgasmic bliss and that was it. He came all over himself, arching his back and clenching around Fili so hard that his climax followed just seconds later. Fili withdraw with an audible, distasteful pop once he regained his breath.

Fili grinned like they’d just fallen into some pig slops rather than committing what Men considered a great sin. ‘I really should get cleaned up. As should you.’

‘Yes,’ Kili conceded. He gave Fili a small, hopeful smile. ‘Thank you, by the way.’

Fili shrugged. ‘I would do anything to help you out, Kili, you know that. And I think, in many cases, it’s best to partake in sex for the first time with someone you are not in love with. It’s less awkward, leaves more room for error.’ He stopped and thought for a moment, missing the bare pain that flashed through Kili’s eyes, and then added in a very self-satisfied fashion, ‘Not that we had that problem.’ Fili gathered some clothing for the day and made as if to leave the room.

In parting, he said, ‘If you need me to indulge you anything else, brother mine, you know where to find me.’ And then he was gone.

Kili remained in bed. He was not ready to face the day yet. All of that experience with Fili – it should have been like a dream come true for him, it _could_ have been the start of something new for himself and his brother. Instead he felt hollow and he ached inside. The ache, he decided, was most definitely regret.

Because Fili was right. He was ruined. He had been _indulged_ , not loved, not seduced – Fili had done this out of kindness, not love. The realization that it might have been _pity_ hit Kili like an arrow in the chest and he put his hand on his heart as if expecting to find a wound there.

Fili had ruined him, and no matter how hard they might try to convince themselves otherwise, things would never, ever be the same.


	2. From the Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili is dissatisfied with Fili's response to his request and decides that he needs more sexual experience before trying to seduce his brother again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Kili to bone Faramir but then remembered that Faramir wouldn’t have been born yet. STUPID LOGIC. >:(
> 
> LOOK IT'S FIGWIT. :D
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this; it changed direction on me like three times, but now here we are.

The days, weeks, months following Kili's encounter with Fili should have been painfully awkward (and awkwardly painful, come to think about it) when in fact it was quite the opposite. Once he'd finished feeling sorry for himself, lying sticky and used in his bed with Fili's scent and kisses and cold dismissal branded into his skin, he began to feel blindingly angry. He had asked for _one thing_ from Fili, just _one thing_ , and Fili had to go and turn it into some sort of elder sibling _obligation_. It would have hurt less if Fili had beaten him bloody the moment that Kili made the suggestion - or, he thought melodramatically, if Fili had physically reached into his chest, torn out his heart and thrown it back in his face.

Honestly, he felt like a spurned lover and the feeling did not sit well with him. It was so…so _unfair_ that Kili had to feel this way and Fili could still prance about – still stalk out of the room like he’d had his share of the spoils of war, for gods’ sake – as if copulating with his younger, more impressionable, lovesick sibling was all in a day’s work. It was awfully unnerving. Maybe Fili was slightly unhinged. 

But the sons of Durin are nothing if not hardy (or stubborn and occasionally non-confrontational, depending on whom you asked) so Kili, deciding that he wouldn’t dwell on it, squared his shoulders, rubbed the mess from his skin (on Fili's blankets, just to be a little bit petty), dressed and left the room. If Fili expected him to not be able to handle the aftermath of their tryst he was going to make it his personal undertaking to prove him wrong. He'd already lost his virginity to his brother; he wasn't going to lose his mind as well.

***

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how one looked at the situation, Kili's resolve manifested itself as a thick shell of tenacity and made him want to shoot just about everything that moved. His hunting party stayed further out of the reach of his bow than usual. They'd never seen Kili like this before. The thin, almost bloodless line of his mouth and his flinty stare said that he'd been wounded deeply enough for him to be too numb to feel pain anymore but his aim was still as true as ever and he shot to kill, not to maim or for mere sport. A few of them even looked at him with newfound respect. 

A few of them noted Fili's absence a bit pointedly, Kili thought, but he shrugged and said he wasn't his brother's keeper and that was the end of it. The hunt was extremely successful in producing large quantities of meat and fur and also gave Kili ample time to think. He wouldn't just roll over and accept that Fili could use his body under the pretense of a good deed and not have the dynamics of their relationship remain unblemished. Unlike Fili, Kili thought sourly, he didn't have coal where his heart should be.

And then Kili had an unexpected moment of clarity break through his persistent brooding. Just maybe there was a way to fix this. Logically, it was entirely possible that Fili made no attempt to take their relationship further than a night of furtive fornication because Kili was so inexperienced. Maybe Fili wanted a lover who could anticipate what he wanted before he knew he wanted it…maybe Fili wanted Kili to seduce _him_.

There was of course the alternative that Kili was choosing to ignore completely: that maybe Fili wanted a lover to whom he was not related. Kili would not consider that until he had no other choice.

He made it his goal to coax somebody, anybody, into his bed. Kili wasn’t particularly discriminatory – if they were willing, aesthetically pleasing and unlikely to cause bodily harm by the end, Kili would have them. It was only ever once and he never remembered their names. Names weren’t important. 

There was every possibility that Fili wouldn’t react with the jealousy Kili was hoping for and would simply think him promiscuous, or young and stupid, or not care at all. That risk aside, Kili had to at least try – after all, if he’d tried harder to seduce Fili in the first place, maybe things would have turned out differently.

***

Some part of him knew he’d regret it later – or, you know, now – but Kili thought he might return to the brothel first. He was still afraid of public rejection and being disallowed to touch Fili had hardly honed his skills. And, well, Lufur, the young, dark-haired dwarf that Fili had chosen had begun to grow on him – he really was very good-looking, although maybe that was the narcissism talking, as he reminded Kili of himself.

It took a full week to work up the courage but he ventured out to the brothel mid-morning, remembering the lack of other customers at that time. He marched in the door and assumed an air of unshakeable self-assurance while waiting for Ila to see to him.

‘Master Dwarf,’ she greeted him happily. This time, her curves were barely contained by a dress of faded bottle-green silk. ‘How nice to see you again.’ Blessedly, she made no reference to Kili previously running all but screaming away from her establishment. ‘Do you have a preference this morning?’

‘Lufur,’ Kili said without hesitation. He gave Ila two gold coins as a deposit and stood back to wait.

Ila nodded curtly. ‘Lufur!’ she called.

As they had the first time, the curtains parted and Lufur stepped through with a bow. He met Kili’s eyes on the ascension and frowned ever so slightly in recognition.

‘Hello,’ he intoned suggestively. He was obviously not at all put out by Kili being his first customer of the day.

‘Take him to our nicest room, the one facing the mountains,’ Ila instructed. ‘See to it that he has a…most enjoyable time.’

Lufur led Kili through the labyrinthine hallways – he was amazed at how many different rooms the unpretentious building hid within – and into a room that was larger than all the others. He closed the door behind them and looked at Kili expectantly. 

‘What would you like me to do to you?’ he asked, all businesslike efficiency. Kili willed away the blush he could feel forming.

‘I should like to learn some things from you,’ Kili replied bluntly.

‘What sort of things?’

‘Everything. All of…this,’ he waved his arm around the room. ‘I had my, uh, first time recently and it left much to be desired. I don’t feel any more knowledgeable then when I was still a virgin.’

Lufur quirked an eyebrow. ‘Go on.’

‘And…uh…I need to be instructed. On seduction.’ Kili cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘I would very much like to stop talking now.’

‘I understand,’ Lufur answered. Kili was extremely grateful that he hadn’t laughed. ‘You require more experience.’

‘Yes.’

‘Well.’ Lufur sat on the end of the bed and patted the space beside him. He turned and took Kili’s hands in his once the other dwarf had taken the cue to sit down. One of his hands cupped Kili’s jaw as he gently thumbed Kili’s bottom lip. ‘I will do my best to teach you, my lord.’ He stared directly into wide brown eyes. ‘It starts with a kiss.’

***

The first man – the first encounter Kili had without having to pay for, that is - was fairly unimpressive. Kili could not for the life of him remember his name (and for that matter, as previously mentioned, he didn’t care to). He was a bit plain, with longish, curly auburn hair and minimal facial hair. He was very kind, though, and accommodating when Kili asked him if they could return to the room he’d paid for. The man was a traveler, not from around here – but then they all were. Kili didn’t want to risk getting stuck with someone who wanted a repeat performance.

He didn’t say much but he didn’t need to; the man casually shrugged off his traveling cloak, set his sword and small bag on a side table and, with a quick, nervous glance his only request for permission, brought his mouth down to Kili’s. 

The man’s kisses were entirely different to Fili’s, a fact that was both a blessing and a curse. His were tentative, skittish, as if he expected Kili to flee the room at any moment. He kissed like Kili supposed he himself kissed, actually. It couldn’t be compared to how kissing Fili felt kind of like kissing himself – he recognized his own uncertainty in this plain but rather charming man.

Taking it so slow was frustrating compared to Fili’s search-and-seizure technique. Kili wanted more. He boldly pushed his tongue into the other man’s mouth and sucked, drawing a guttural moan from his partner. Encouraged, Kili pushed the man onto the bed and straddled him, leaning forward just so their cocks could rub together through their clothing in a tantalizing promise of what was to come, and planted a trail of wet kisses down the man’s throat. Kili found it interesting (and somewhat titillating) that he’d taken on the role of leader in their rendezvous so easily. It helped that he was emboldened by liquor and the fact that this strange man called him the ‘prettiest thing he’d ever seen’. Kili wasn’t quite sold on being called ‘pretty’ – pretty was for girls, after all – but it would do, for now.

The man hauled Kili up by his collar for another bruising kiss and hastily pushed his hands under Kili’s shirt, running his fingers over the flesh there so gentle it almost tickled before twisting a nipple sharply. Kili gasped in surprise and moaned his delight into the man’s mouth. 

This man seemed to be a combination of himself and Fili – all the best aspects of both of them, in fact; Fili’s brashness and Kili’s reticence. It was conflicting and perfect. Kili rolled his hips against the other man’s, mutely begging for the friction his entire body craved, wanting the man to lose his mind in the minefield of Kili’s body.

Kili didn’t allow the other man to penetrate him. _He_ wanted to have that privilege, to make another person cry out from the sensations that Kili alone made them feel. He wanted everything that Fili had denied him. But he could still not take control in the way that he desired – he was afraid of being rejected as Fili had rejected his efforts to touch – so he lay back and assumed the passive position. Lufur had said that it was normal; that the urge challenge who was to take charge would come in time.

It didn’t feel as good when the man entered him, even though he was as slow and caring as he could possibly be. His skin didn’t feel like it was tingling. His mind kept straying from the task at hand (so to speak). 

Compared to Fili, this was nothing. And the realization enraged Kili. He’d thought (hoped) that Fili’s declaration that he’d been ruined was nothing more than standard post-sex boasting. How wrong he’d been. 

He dragged his nails down the man’s back to distract himself and bit down, harder than necessary, on the man’s shoulder. Kili expected a reprimand but the man merely thrust harder, more furiously, pushing coherent thought further from Kili’s mind with every hit to his prostate.

His eyes were tightly shut and his thoughts, practically against his own will, were of Fili when he came, sticky and hot between him and his unnamed male companion. He noticed that the man’s eyes were also closed and wondered whom he might be thinking of. 

***

Kili left the room almost immediately after, seeing no reason to stand on ceremony. He bade good night to the man first, of course – he wasn’t completely bereft of manners – and exited the tavern through the back door. Thankfully few people noticed.

Kili hit the jackpot on the next venture out to snare himself someone for 'education’. He was able to capture the attention of an elf.

It was no easy feat, either. Elves were seldom seen in these parts and when they were they attracted an inordinate amount of attention from dwarves and men alike. Much of it was hostile (mostly from the dwarves) but a great deal was sexual interest. Kili honestly didn't think he had a chance. He was sitting alone in his and Fili's usual corner - he'd deliberately not invited his brother along and ignored the few curious glances as to why he was drinking by himself - and the whole tavern seemed to quiet when the elf entered. He was tall and lithe, as elves were, with long, dark hair, icy blue eyes and a strong, smooth jaw. He might have been unremarkable by elven standards but by Kili's (and by the reverent looks the elf was receiving, by just about everybody else's) he was stunning. He looked incredibly uncomfortable in the dingy setting of the tavern and his eyes scanned the faces of its occupants restlessly. He walked up to the bar, one hand staying close to his left hip, where a long and delicate but still lethal-looking knife was strapped.

'Have you any wine?' he asked the tavern keeper.

The tavern-keeper, whose name was Durnik*, had been watching the elf intently while absent-mindedly wiping out a pint glass with a rag. He blinked several times as if surprised that the elf would bother to talk to him. 'Uh - I'm not sure, my lord.' The respectful use of title was automatic to Durnik but this time it sounded as if he actually meant it. 'Let me check for you.' He ducked beneath the bar, glasses and bottles clinking as he searched.

The few dwarves in the tavern were muttering angrily amongst themselves at this elvish intrusion. They got up and left, obviously not intending to return until the elf was gone. Kili was the only exception, sipping his ale and admiring the pretty stranger from beneath lowered lashes. Many of the men and all of the whores were now eyeing each other off, silently trying to decide who could try their luck with the elf first.

'Found some!' Durnik said triumphantly, emerging from beneath the bar with a dusty bottle in hand. 'How would you like it, my lord?'

'The bottle and a glass do,' the elf replied, sliding a few coins across to Durnik. 'Thank you.' He looked like he was about to leave (looked anxious to get out of the place, if Kili was being frank) but was stopped in his tracks by what looked like the first in a long line of suitors.

'You're awfully handsome,' the first man blurted. Kili snorted into his drink. Even _he_ wasn't that inexperienced.

'You are very kind,' the elf mumbled, 'But I'm afraid I'm not interested.' He stepped around the man, only to be confronted with a second. And a third, fourth and fifth, and so on; as well as three whores. The elf repeated this exchange patiently (too patiently, Kili thought; if he'd whipped the knife out he could have saved himself a lot of time) until they had all slunk away dejectedly. The elven stranger made as if to leave, looking around one final time to ascertain whether or not he'd be left in peace - and then his eyes met Kili's. 

Kili promptly dropped his eyes to his nearly empty pint. His own disdain for elves minimal; it was really only what he’d heard Thorin say in passing (not that he'd ever listened too closely to his uncle's periodic rants). Truthfully, he was intimidated by the elf's beauty. He certainly wasn't going to throw himself at the elf's feet and humiliate himself like the rest of the tavern. And if he did, and the elf said yes, and his family found out...well, Thorin would disown him on the spot, and he doubted Fili would be impressed either. 

No, Kili would stay put, wait for the elf to leave and then seek out another anonymous man to share his bed. 

And then the elf ruined that plan by sitting opposite him, uncorking the bottle of wine and pouring them both a glass.

Kili looked up with a start. 'Um - '

'Your glass was empty,' the elf explained. 'It is good manners to refill it. My name is Lindir.'

'Kili,' Kili replied automatically. 'Ah - and I am grateful for the wine, and I don't wish to be rude, but why are you sitting with me? You didn't seem interested in conversing with anyone else here.' He paused awkwardly. 'Also...also elves normally aren't too fond of dwarves.'

Lindir peered at him. 'Are you a dwarf? Your features are quite fine, and your beard is minimal.' His mouth quirked in a tiny smile. 'And you didn't flee the room upon my entrance.'

Kili shrugged. 'I am a dwarf.' He nearly added _and a son of Durin, at that_ before remembering that it was probably unwise to reveal his lineage. 'I'm simply not bothered by elves as much as some of us are.'

'You are rare,' Lindir murmured. He nursed his cup of wine, all the while keeping his eyes trained on Kili's. 'And you are the only person - or dwarf, as it were - who did not throw yourself at me the moment I walked in. I find that intriguing.'

Kili was beginning to feel decidedly nervous and inexperienced in Lindir's presence – possibly more so than when he was with Fili. It was terribly unsettling. He opted to say nothing and busied himself by taking a deep swallow of wine.

Lindir chuckled. 'Do you not find me so comely as all the others did?'

Kili took another sip before answering. 'My basis for comparison is limited, but I do think you are beautiful. For an elf,' he added before he could stop himself. 

The elf smiled coyly. 'I also find you quite fetching. For a dwarf.'

Kili had, for some reason, not expected elves to have a sense of humor and flashed Lindir a wide grin, relieved. 'What are you doing here? In that elves are seldom seen around here. Hence your impromptu welcoming party.'

Lindir finished his wine. The only sign that it had affected him was the barest of flushes high on his cheeks. 'Just travelling,' he replied shortly. Kili drained his own cup, sensing that he was unlikely to receive any more details. He then coughed uncomfortably, unsure as to where the conversation was going.

Lindir actually seemed content to observe Kili's evident discomfort without further comment. He poured them both another cup of the wine and brought his to his lips but didn't drink, instead eyeing Kili over the rim. Under the table he wedged one long leg in between Kili's, making the dwarf gasp.

'What are you doing?' he hissed. Traveller or not, Lindir was striking enough that _everyone_ in the tavern - in the entire town, probably - would remember him, and Kili's involvement with the elf would without doubt reach the ears of his family. He required Lindir (if the elf did indeed want him) for academic purposes only; he didn’t need news of their coupling reaching every corner of Middle-Earth.

Lindir smiled lazily. 'You are attractive and interesting. You aren't what I expect and I enjoy that very much.' He rolled his eyes at Kili's blank stare. 'I'm attempting to seduce you, young master dwarf. You seem to have no idea how it's done.'

Kili set his jaw at that, offended. 'You think me virginal.'

'Are you?'

'Absolutely not.'

Lindir raised an eyebrow. 'Was it recent?'

Kili was only mildly irritated. He should have been furious at this stranger's prying but he couldn't bring himself to display genuine anger. He took another swallow of wine and said, 'Yes. It was.'

'Was the experience unpleasant?' 

'No,' Kili said firmly. It wasn't a lie. Fili made it amazing. It was the aftermath that was unpleasant.

'You still speak as if they hurt you,' Lindir noted. 'Did she? Or he?'

Kili's silence was all the answer he needed. Lindir didn't press the issue. He finished his wine with a large gulp, appreciating the resulting dizziness.

'My own first was the same,' Lindir offered, as if in apology for his prying. 'It was incredible, but I felt so very wounded afterwards.'

'What did you do?'

'Nothing.' Lindir's smile was sad. 'I serve him now. I will wait, and continue to wait, as long as it takes for him to realize how I feel.'

'That's an awfully long time,' Kili whispered, remembering how long elves could live. Lindir nodded. He reached across the table separating them to take Kili's left hand in his. He turned it over to reveal the pale, soft wrist beneath.

'I take my pleasure with others in the meantime,' He stroked a long finger over Kili's palm. Kili jumped, not expecting the simple touch to feel so good, and bit his tongue as his cock twitched. 'As should you. I would like you to join me elsewhere. If you are willing.'

Kili swallowed with some difficulty. 'I don't know.' Lindir didn't look at all put off, though - Kili's dilated pupils and labored breathing was proof enough of his interest.

'I leave the decision with you, Kili.' Lindir stroked another circle around the center of Kili's palm and Kili barely had time to disguise his resulting moan as a cough. 'I don't believe it wise for us to leave together so I am staying, only for tonight, four buildings down and two across the way. The door is blue and there is a potted blackberry bush under the window.' His eyes flickered to Kili's lap. The dwarf, emboldened by the wine, blushed only slightly. 'I do hope to see you there.'

Lindir turned with a flounce and left loudly and abruptly. Kili was momentarily confused until he saw the many curious pairs of eyes watching him and realized that it was all for show.

'Scared him off, eh?' Durnik asked.

Kili tried to look sorrowful. 'I suppose so.'

This was positively _not_ going to be easier than he thought and he wanted to kick himself for ever thinking so.

***

He sat there for more than quarter of an hour after Lindir’s departure, trying to gather the thoughts that had been scrambled by blue eyes. Although Kili had decided to use other people to scrub any trace of Fili from his skin, he was hesitant to accept Lindir’s offer. The elf was over and above what Kili hoped for – he was as unlike Fili as possible – and, in an odd way, Kili didn’t feel good enough for him. Just as he hadn’t felt good enough for Fili. Just as he _still_ didn’t feel good enough for Fili.

 _That_ was the reason for his apprehension.

Kili wondered what Fili might think about it and then straight away wished he hadn’t. Fili wouldn’t understand. His gorgeous brother who could just about outshine the sun could never comprehend feeling _inferior_ to someone, least of all when it came to ‘matters of the flesh’, as he’d called it. Fili took what he wanted before you even noticed you were missing it, and when you did notice, all you wanted was more of him.

It was a commendable trait that Kili hated with a passion because he didn’t possess it himself.

He clutched his cup tightly, furious at the feelings that Fili was welling up inside of him without even being present, and in that instant made up his mind that he _would_ go to Lindir.

‘I’m more than good enough,’ he grumbled to himself as he left the tavern, ignoring the alarmed looks directed his way.

***

Lindir looked almost relieved when Kili knocked o the door of what he dearly hoped was the correct building. ‘You came.’

Kili stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. ‘Of course.’ The awkwardness had returned, partly because, without craning his neck upwards, he was staring the elf squarely in the chest. Why did they all have to be so very tall?

Lindir had apparently sensed that and ushered Kili over to the bed. It was a far cry from the bed he and Fili shared during his first time – large, plush and peppered with cushions. Kili threw himself across the cushions, temporarily forgetting about Lindir, and sighed happily.

‘They are quite comfortable,’ Lindir agreed. He sat on the edge of the bed, bootless, wearing a thin pair of pants and a navy blue tunic. He held none of the predatory, dominant air that Fili had, which relaxed Kili considerably. He kicked off his own boots and leaned back on his hands, doing his best to look nonchalant.

Lindir reached forward to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Kili's ear. 'Are you certain that you want this, Kili? You look...' he paused and frowned. 'Rather on edge. As if you can’t relax around me.'

'And I am, and I can’t,' Kili conceded. 'I've never...you know. With an elf. I believe it's, ah, strongly discouraged in dwarven culture.'

Lindir gave him a wry smile. ‘Neither is copulation with dwarves encouraged by the elves. You are so…so unlike a usual dwarf, though, that this almost doesn’t count.’ He raised a finger at Kili’s mouth opening to protest. ‘Please don’t be offended. It is a compliment. You aren’t brutish or crude, and you are…’ He licked his lips. ‘Quite a sight to behold. Few dwarves resemble you.’

Kili dropped his eyes, unused to being spoken of in such a way. Fili had referred to him as ‘rather comely’ and ‘not objectionable’ but Lindir was taking it to another level entirely – a level that Kili enjoyed. Why _shouldn’t_ he wish to be fawned over?’

Actually, for that matter, why was Lindir fawning over him when they barely knew each other? Lindir sighed exasperatedly when Kili asked as much. ‘I think you ask too many questions, Kili. Why not _feel_ instead?’

And he dragged Kili onto his lap, planted his right hand on the back of the dwarf’s head and caught Kili’s lips in a fierce kiss. Lindir had (quite deliberately) maneuvered him into the position of greatest control, allowing Kili to rut against Lindir’s groin and run his fingers through that long raven hair. His hands strayed to the hem of Lindir’s tunic and waited.

‘No hesitation,’ Lindir mumbled into his mouth. ‘No overthinking.’

Kili pulled the tunic over Lindir’s head, his own following immediately after. Inspired, he pushed the elf down onto the mattress and straddled him, delighted by Lindir’s groan of submission.

‘ _Yes._ ’

Lindir was quite possibly the most exquisitely beautiful being Kili would ever have the pleasure of being with. He wanted to draw this out for as long as he could. It was a bit of a challenge, though, with Lindir’s cock flush against his and Lindir biting down on his earlobe and whispering filthy things he _never_ thought he’d hear an elf say.

Then again, he never thought he’d have the chance to lay with an elf either, and yet here they were. Kili began to shower Lindir’s pale, lightly sculpted torso with kisses to try to quiet his mind. He swirled his tongue around the elf’s left nipple and repeated the action on the right at Lindir’s plea for more. Kili continued south, marveling at how terrifically hairless Lindir’s body seemed to be, and stopped when he reached the waistband of Lindir’s pants.

The confidence that had been growing in Kili so beautifully up until this point wavered. This was one of the many things Fili had refused to let him do, and the one thing that stood out in his mind as something he should never have been refused.

Honestly, it made no sense. How could Fili _not_ want a warm, wet mouth on his cock?

‘Keep going,’ Lindir begged. ‘I don’t know how I could ever have doubted your skill. You are marvelous.’

Kili unlaced the pants, enjoying the way Lindir’s cock jutted through the opening. It was pale like the rest of him, bigger than Kili’s own and was topped with a bead of the same liquid he remembered seeing on Fili. This time there were no objections when Kili bent his head to lick it off.

Lindir muttered what Kili presumed was an elvish curse (as he couldn’t understand it) and pushed his hips up, wanting more. Kili pushed them straight back down and then took Lindir’s shaft into his mouth, inch by tantalizing inch, moving his tongue around the length and flicking the tip with his tongue the way Lufur taught him.

He was effectively still an amateur and completely expected Lindir to offer suggestions as to what he should do next but Lindir only grabbed helplessly at the pillows at the top of the bed and whined low in his throat. It was a magnificent sight to see such a tall, graceful elf become a writhing mess because of him.

Kili continued to suck mercilessly until Lindir shoved him away with a choked gasp, declaring that he wouldn’t spend himself so soon. Lindir reversed their positions and had Kili pinned down by his hips before he even realized what was happening. The elf pressed a feather light kiss to the dip beside Kili's hip and then continued across to where his erection bulged through the material of his own pants and licked Kili's cock through the fabric. Kili shuddered.

'Tease,' he accused.

Lindir chuckled with a shake of his head. 'No,' he disagreed, 'this is merely prolonging the moment, an essential component of the art of seduction. It is the sweetest agony you will ever feel. If this were rushed, you would not appreciate the end result so much.'

Kili made a mental note of that and then promptly forgot how to think as Lindir swallowed him whole - _through_ his breeches. It was unlike anything he'd felt before - warm and tight but nowhere near sufficient to get him anywhere near completion. The cloth dragged along his length with every swipe of Lindir's tongue, providing just enough stimulation to make Kili's legs shake and draw beseeching moans from low in his throat.

' _Please._ '

Lindir did as asked, peeling Kili's breeches off his wet cock and off him completely to be discarded on the floor. He returned immediately to pleasuring Kili, taking the dwarf deep into his throat and humming some tuneless song - it really didn't matter what it was as the consequential vibration had his hips flying off the bed.

'You feel as if you've been doing this for a thousand years,' Kili gasped. He could feel Lindir's lips stretch in a smile around him. Lindir pulled off with an obscene wet noise, pausing to lick a particularly long thread of his own saliva off the head of Kili's erection.

'I have,' he said with a sly grin. He slid off the bed and went over to his discarded traveling cloak, rooting around in the pockets.

'Get back over here,' Kili complained, edgy and hyper-aroused and wanting nothing more than for Lindir to suck on him until he exploded, screaming, down the elf's throat.

Lindir returned to the bed with one hand clasped around something that Kili couldn't see. 'Be patient, Kili. I would rather if our climax came in...other ways.' He pushed a small corked bottle into Kili's hand and lay back. The young dwarf's mouth went dry. Lindir was _presenting_ himself.

'You would be breached by a dwarf?' he blurted.

'I would be breached by _you_ ,' Lindir corrected. His eyes were near black with arousal and just a hint of a challenge. 'I prefer it this way.' _Show me what you can do,_ he seemed to be saying.

 _Show him that you are capable of this,_ a small voice in his head said. _That way you will be well-equipped to show Fili that casting you aside was a monumental mistake not worth repeating._

There was some fumbling while Kili prepared himself and lined his cock up at Lindir's entrance, and then he hesitated - his experience wasn't _that_ vast, after all, and he didn't have drink as a crutch to lean on. Lindir watched him and waited. When Kili saw no sign of scorn in Lindir's eyes, he thrust inside.

Lindir shut his eyes and moaned long and low, throwing his legs up and frantically angling his body so Kili would hit that earth-shattering bundle of nerves inside. Kili was thrilled - he didn't expect such abandon of an elf (not that he'd ever really fantasized about it before) and Lindir looked unworldly beautiful thrashing under him ( _because_ of him) - but despite that, if all the beautiful elves and men of the world lined up before him, he would still choose Fili. He would always choose Fili.

His eyes were open when he came, staring at some point behind Lindir and imagining it was Fili spilling his seed between them. He thought he might've heard Lindir murmur some elvish name but could not be sure either way. Kili pulled out and fell next to him.

The elf did not appear offended by Kili's inattention. 'You were thinking of him,' he said gently. Kili sighed resignedly.

'I want to...try harder. To not lose him. Do you think that's a good idea?'

Lindir shrugged. 'I never fought for the one I loved, and I regret it every day. In truth, he asked me not to, but perhaps if I had, I would not be in the position I am now.'

'And what's that?' Kili couldn't help but ask.

Lindir patted Kili's knee. 'No other will ever measure up to him and yet I continue to seek his equal.'

***

Kili felt profoundly melancholy at Lindir's revelation. His motivation to seduce Fili flared anew, but it was more than about seduction. It always had been. He wanted Fili to be his forever and he would do whatever necessary to reach that goal.

He didn't want to become like Lindir, with his longing and his vulnerability and his wasted heart.

Lindir was very nice, though, even after the deed was done. Kili didn't feel the urge to dress and leave without the pretense of conversation. Lindir made him tea and shared food with him, and they shared a hug when it was time for Kili's departure. It turned out that he served the Last Homely House in Imladris, or Rivendell as he'd heard it referred to. He had offered Kili food and asylum if he was ever in the vicinity and if the need was there, which Kili found most hospitable (he thought it best not to mention the offer to Thorin, however).

Kili didn't want to wait any longer to make his play for Fili. It had to be soon. But how?

He supposed he could get his brother drunk...but that was cheating. It didn't count if Fili couldn't remember anything the next morning.

He always had plenty of chances to corner Fili in their bedroom, as Fili had done to him, but that seemed too obvious. He wanted to be a _little_ more original than his brother. Aside from that, he didn't have it in him to be so voracious.

But maybe...maybe he could try for sympathy? It was only marginally dishonest, it was for a good cause and nominal planning was involved..

It was worth a try. Kili would execute his plan the following day. Every day he delayed was another day Fili wasn’t his.

***

Kili began by remaining in bed when Fili rose for their morning meal, ignoring Dís’ warning that Thorin would eat all the bacon. He ignored Thorin when his uncle stuck his head in to ask if he planned doing anything useful today (the answer to the question was yes). He didn’t move when Fili returned to retrieve a weapon he’d forgotten and he refused to answer his mother’s calls as to what, exactly, he was still doing in bed.

‘Kili, what is the matter with you?’ Dís snapped, striding over to the bed and perching on the end of it. She grabbed Kili’s shoulder and rolled him over. Kili groaned theatrically.

‘I don’t feel well,’ he whimpered. Dís put her hand to his forehead.

‘You do feel rather warm,’ she observed. Kili inwardly gloated. He was warm because of the extra layers on his bed and the fire that he’d allowed to burn much later into the night than usual.

‘I think I’ll just stay here for a while,’ Kili said. ‘Maybe it’ll improve.’

His mother frowned worriedly. ‘Very well. I suppose one day indoors won’t do you any harm.’ She did make him drink a vile-tasting tonic to “speed up the healing process” but Kili expected that and choked the concoction down.

He stayed wrapped in his cocoon until Fili came crashing back in mid-morning, breathless with the high of a successful hunt. ‘Brother! Honestly, you should have seen – ‘ he stopped short upon taking a good look at Kili’s prone form. ‘What are you still doing in bed? Are you all right?’

Kili made the most pathetic squeak he could muster and pulled the blankets down a fraction. ‘Sick.’

‘Sick? But you were out drinking just the other day! Apparently there was an elf in the tavern, of all things, can you imagine? Did you see it?’

Kili’s stomach lurched guiltily. ‘No.’

Fili sat down next to him. ‘You hardly ever get sick,’ he pressed, obviously perturbed by his brother’s condition.

‘I don’t tend to plan when I’ll fall ill,’ Kili muttered irritably. Fili was not providing him with any decent openings for Kili to lure him into bed – how was this going to work?

Fili removed his boots and swung his legs up onto the bed, shifting positions so he was cross-legged behind his brother. ‘Can I help in some way?’ he asked.

_There we go. That’s a start._

‘Just sit with me,’ Kili replied hopefully.

‘Then I will.’

Kili dearly wanted to say _hold me_ instead but the words were stuck on his tongue. _No matter,_ he thought. _That can be my next request._

Fili broke the comfortable silence about ten minutes later. ‘I’m sorry.’

Kili turned over to face him, pulling the blankets down another fraction. ‘For what?’

The elder dwarf was gnawing nervously on the inside of his cheek. ‘I feel as if something has changed between us ever since…’ he gestured vaguely at Kili’s groin and then at his own, making his younger brother snicker. ‘I feel as if you have been distancing yourself from me. If I hurt you in some way then I apologize. It was not my intention.’

Kili was torn between hauling Fili down for a passionate kiss and kicking him so far out of the room that the door would break. How could anybody be so dense?

‘Everything is fine,’ he lied. He was unable to meet Fili’s eyes to convince him. ‘I didn’t realize I was avoiding you. It hasn’t been deliberate.’

Fili still looked skeptical. ‘You know that I did it because I love –‘

Kili silenced him with a finger to the lips. He fought down the twinge somewhere around his solar plexus at Fili’s words. ‘Don’t. It’s fine. I promise. Look, for now will you…will you just hold me?’ He hiked the blankets back up to his chin to hide the blush threading up his neck. ‘That always made me feel better. Remember?’

‘I remember,’ Fili murmured. He unfolded his legs and stretched them out beside Kili, shifting his left arm to rest behind Kili’s head. Kili rested his left arm across Fili’s chest and smiled, blissfully content. Moments like these were priceless.

That said, he was on a mission here, and must stay alert. He closed his eyes briefly, committing the smell of Fili to memory – leather and iron and sweat and musk and _perfection_. The hand resting on Fili’s chest, unbidden, began to trace slow circles on his chest.

Because of his position Kili could hear Fili’s heartbeat and the speed of his breathing, and it _definitely_ increased with every teasing circle of his hand. The circles traveled across Fili’s chest, stroking perilously, innocently close to a nipple. Fili’s breath hitched. 

Kili stole a glance upwards to gauge his brother’s reaction and was pleased to see his eyes closed but his bottom lip caught between his teeth, as if restraining himself from asking for something. Kili was curious to see what would happen if he rubbed over Fili’s nipple through his shirt, remembering how good it felt when Lindir did the same thing to his cock, and so he did just that. A breathless moan escaped Fili’s lips.

‘Kili,’ he said quietly. He opened his eyes and stopped the movement of Kili’s hand with his own. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing,’ Kili replied equally as softly. He was afraid to break the dreamlike spell being woven between them but Fili’s mouth was right there – he wouldn’t have to stretch very far to kiss him – 

_Here I go,_ he thought, his heart pounding almost vociferously in his own chest, and kissed his brother.

It was closed-mouthed and anything but innocent. Kili lingered as long as he dared to, licking the seam of Fili’s lips once, quickly, and then pulling away to wait for the inevitable explosion.

To Fili’s credit it was quite restrained. ‘What are you doing?’ he repeated. He’d not run away screaming, though, for which Kili was thankful.

‘I’m seducing you,’ he answered simply. ‘And I do believe you’re enjoying it.’

‘You’re terribly sure.’

‘Well, your heart is about to burst through your chest.’ Kili smirked. He then cupped Fili’s groin impulsively. He nearly clapped with glee as he felt that Fili was half-hard – and still hadn’t pushed him away.

‘Can we do this again?’ Fili wondered. He whimpered as Kili squeezed his member to full hardness.

‘We’ve crossed and _burned_ that bridge, brother,’ Kili said, finally throwing off his blankets and throwing one leg over Fili’s. ‘Now please stop talking and kiss me.’

Fili did just that. The kiss was just as harsh as the first time they’d done it but this time Kili gave as good as he got and then some, drawing on his mental bank of knowledge to run his tongue over the roof of Fili’s mouth and withdraw to nip at Fili’s plump bottom lip. Fili’s surprised whine noted the increase in Kili’s skill.

‘Who have you been kissing?’ he demanded, moving so that both his hands were pushing down on Kili’s shoulders and holding him to the mattress. Kili smiled benignly and rolled his hips up, wrapping his legs around Fili’s and using his leg muscles to shove them upright. They were both sitting up now, the younger dwarf resting on his brother’s lap.

‘Nobody,’ he said with a wink. He tore Fili’s shirt off him and made a pleased noise when Fili did the same to him. _This is better. It already feels more equal._

He pinched both of Fili’s nipples without warning, Fili’s grunt of shock lost in the kiss he’d initiated seconds before. Fili, unknowingly perhaps, was grinding his hips fervently against Kili’s and the younger dwarf tore his mouth away with a moan.

‘Stop that,’ he admonished but even as he said it his hips were seeking the same relief. ‘I’m not finished with you yet.’

Fili growled, eyes close to black with desire. ‘What are you going to do?’

Kili climbed off his lap and onto the floor. Ignoring Fili’s quirked eyebrow, he arranged himself between his brother’s knees and, just as Lufur had done to him and damn near driven him insane with lust, he licked Fili’s erection through his breeches. 

Fili’s whole upper body hit the bed with a loud thud as he fell back gasping. ‘Where - _who_ taught you that?’

Kili didn’t answer. He licked once more, pleased by the cry it wrung from Fili, and unlaced his breeches with shaking fingers. As with their first time, there was a drop of something (apparently it was called pre-come) on the tip of his cock and this time Fili didn’t even think to stop him when he bowed his head to lick it off. It didn’t taste fantastic – never did – but it tasted of Fili and that was all that mattered.

Kili intended to lick, suck, swallow and blow Fili until his voice was hoarse from begging but it was becoming more difficult to keep a lid on his own arousal. Just as Kili began to fret that he might not last Fili lifted him from the floor and hurriedly removed the last of his clothing, gently biting up the nape of his neck as he went.

‘I’m sorry, Kili, I cannot wait any longer. Need to be inside you now,’ he rumbled.

Kili was about to disagree and claim that no, _he_ wanted to be inside _Fili_ but something stopped him. Perhaps now wasn’t the time for that. He should be patient. Fili had been more than cooperative so far, after all…and when he thought back to how Fili had felt, pounding against that sweet spot, the argument died within him.

Fili scrabbled for the same oil they’d used before and poured a liberal amount over his fingers. Kili eyed him from where he lay, uncomprehending as Fili had said there was no comparison, and whined as two thick fingers entered him. Fili thrust them in and out twice, experimentally, and then curled his fingers with purposeful slowness to press against Kili’s prostate.

Kili bit down on his arm to muffle his moan. ‘I thought you said – didn’t you say – ‘

‘I know what I said,’ Fili replied, scissoring his fingers and making Kili keen. ‘And I stand by it. There really is no comparison. But you come apart so beautifully, brother.’

The tiny, paranoid part of his mind that had been silent for some time lit up. It almost sounded like a double entendre. _I don’t want to ‘come apart’. I want to – I want to stay together._

Fili didn’t notice the pause in Kili’s actions, too busy he was with preparing his cock for Kili’s body. He had himself aimed at Kili’s opening and was about to thrust inside when – 

‘Wait,’ Kili said forcefully. ‘Lay back.’

The shock and pleasure that danced through Fili’s eyes was worth the anxious flutters in his stomach. He hadn’t done it this way before, but it couldn’t be that hard, could it?

He took a deep breath, straddled Fili’s hips and lowered himself onto Fili’s cock an inch at a time. It was mildly uncomfortable, but maybe if he –

‘ _Fili_!’ he cried, shaking at the unexpected shock of pleasure through his body. Fili looked far too smug. He repeated the action, expertly shifting his pelvis so his erection nudged Kili’s prostate.

And then he snarled angrily because this was _his_ seduction, dammit; Fili was not in charge here. He rolled his hips forward, back, and again, groaning Fili’s name when he found the perfect angle. Fili’s nails were digging into his thighs as his brother matched Kili’s thrusts but the younger of the two didn’t notice.

Again and again he gyrated on Fili’s cock. Climax couldn’t be far off, the sensations in his groin and belly and thighs were getting tighter and more urgent, and he couldn’t keep a rhythm anymore. Control be damned, the new goal was fucking himself upon Fili until his orgasm took him, shouting his brother’s name.

Short moments later that’s precisely what he did, coming loud and untouched all over Fili’s belly. After several more thrusts he felt warmth fill him and he dropped beside his brother, sated and exhausted.

They were both too sweaty (and, in Fili’s case, covered with other bodily fluids) to want to embrace so Fili linked their fingers together instead. It was an incredibly sweet gesture that made Kili smile and his heart swell.

‘You were _not_ sick,’ Fili said, doing his best to sound disgruntled. Kili yawned. He couldn’t have cared less. He’d been successful. This could be the start of something new for them. This _had_ to be the start of something new.

‘No. Not sick. I had to get you into bed somehow,’ he admitted. He shot Fili a lopsided, apologetic grin.

Fili thought for a minute. ‘Why didn’t you just asked?’

Kili’s heart shrank. As if it was ever that simple. ‘I didn’t think you would want to. I thought you wanted someone – more skilled,’ he said uneasily. ‘I needed some…practice first. You can’t be mad. I wasn’t your first or only either.’

‘No,’ Fili conceded. ‘But you are my brother. You’re more valuable than most.’

Kili made a mental note to give Fili a few lessons on how to give compliments since he was so appallingly average at it. His heart, which had slowed post-orgasm, was back to it usual hammering. _You need to say it,_ he screamed at himself. _You need to say it now, while the time and the setting is right._

‘I could be, you know,’ he offered in a wavering voice, gathering all his courage to look Fili in the eyes. ‘Be your only. If you like. We could try.’

The corner of Fili’s lips twitched and for one horrifying second Kili thought he was going to laugh at him. He didn’t, of course. Fili wasn’t that cruel. 

He clutched Kili’s hand tighter. ‘I’m not sure, Kili. We’d have to hide it from everyone. You understand why, don’t you?’

Kili certainly understood. He’d already been hiding it from Fili, and from himself, for many years. It was dreadful to have a secret but sharing it with someone would practically negate that struggle.

He squeezed Fili’s hand back. ‘Yes, I understand why. I really do. But honestly, Fili, how hard can it be to keep a secret like that?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Once again borrowed from The Belgariad series.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry at how long this took. I suck. I really do. Part of it was real life getting in the way, part was my own slackness, part was my brain being hijacked by RPF. No matter, here we go! 
> 
> (Special thanks to Taurnil and BlueMonkey for kicking my arse about getting this part up)

Kili had always been good at keeping secrets. Once, when he and Fili were very young - around 18 - he woke up in the middle of the night, roused by a noise he'd heard in the kitchen, and wandered in to find Fili filching cakes meant for a celebration the following day. Fili shoved one into his hand and begged him not to tell Thorin or their mother. The next day, when Dis sat them both down and asked if either of them had stolen food, Kili looked up at her with wide eyes and denied everything. 'It might have been rats,' was the suggestion that finally ended their interrogation. Fili gave him a grateful hug and whispered 'thank you,' once Dis' back was turned.

A few more years later he was searching under Fili's bed for a missing boot and came across one of Thorin's favourite hunting knives. Confused, he took a closer look, his stomach giving an uncomfortable lurch when he noticed how blunt and chipped it was. He did not confront Fili about it, and when Thorin raged around their house days later when he realised it was missing, he feigned innocence. Fili thanked him later that night.

'I didn't mean to, Kili,' he said apologetically. 'It's just such a nice knife, I wanted to try it, and, well...'

Kili clung to him, 'Your secrets are always safe with me, Fili,' he replied earnestly, relishing in the squeeze of Fili's arms around him. Looking back, that was probably when his feelings took a turn for the inappropriate.

A couple more decades passed before Kili had the luck (misfortune) to catch Fili in yet another compromising position - in their bedroom, with some other dwarf, naked and wrapped around each other like weeds. Kili's eyes widened and his stomach clenched and for several agonising seconds he couldn't look away. Fili then noticed the intrusion, and with one of his trademark dimpled grins, asked Kili to leave, please, they wouldn't be much longer. It was then that Kili could finally put a name to those debauched feelings he'd been trying to chase away for so many years.

Come to think of it, maybe he was just good at keeping _Fili's_ secrets.

And now Kili found himself in the unique position that Fili's secret was also his own, strengthening their bond inexorably. It could almost be considered a blessing. Out in the open people could tear them apart. Being hidden away from temptation and judgmental stares and rude comments, with only each other for solace. could only have the welcome effect of nurturing their relationship. How could it possibly be a bad thing?

Kili bounced out of bed with a spring in his step the day after he was successful in 'seducing' Fili. Their secret weighed on his shoulders but it was nothing compared to the burden that had been lifted from his heart. Fili _wanted_ him. He felt the way all those stupid girls in town did when a boy they fancied began to court them, all giggly and reckless.

Fili, on the other hand, appeared rather unaffected, although his eyes did linger on Kili's naked body longer than usual as he ferreted around for some clothes. 'What are your plans for today, brother?'

Kili shrugged. 'The usual, I suppose. Hunting, perhaps some sparring, drinking, sleeping...' He gave Fili a meaningful glance at that.

Fili averted his eyes, smirking at the ground. ‘Well, we shall see. Sparring first, I think.’ 

They left the house together and made for the courtyard where sparring usually took place. There are already two others practicing with old, blunted swords; another two aiming arrows at a red blob of paint in the middle of an old shield. Fili and Kili were the only dwarves. They’d been living here long enough that the only glances they drew were mildly curious rather than outright staring but it still made Kili feel rather self-conscious.

Not Fili. ‘Which one of you lads do I have the pleasure of besting today?’ he asked loudly with a confident grin. The two men stopped their clanging of swords to return smirks of their own.

‘Wouldn’t be much of a challenge,’ the first one said. He was russet-haired and reeked of unwarranted self-importance. He was the sort of chap that Fili and Kili laughed at in the tavern; the type to try his luck with the most beautiful maiden around and then, when she’d turned him down, swear she had some sort of handicap that made her immune to his charms.

‘Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?’ said the second. He was, if Kili were permitted to use a disgusting cliché; tall, dark and handsome and… _softer_ than his red-haired friend. He didn’t make Kili want to roll his eyes at the man’s pomposity. He felt like a threat.

‘Very much so,’ Fili answered, throwing his sword from one hand to the other. ‘Is one of you up to the challenge?’

The two men looked at each other, deciding. There were several moments of silence before the dark one said, ‘I will fight you.’

‘Not to the death,’ Kili butted in. ‘Only until the other yields.’

Fili’s eyes flashed with what might have been irritation but it was so fleeting that Kili couldn’t decide for sure. ‘Yes. Only until the other yields. You needn’t worry, brother, this man has no chance,’ Fili boasted, once again swinging his sword. 

The dark man smiled indulgently and unsheathed his own sword – the proper one, not the dull, blunt practice swords stored in the yard. Kili noted, with a certain amount of alarm, that the sword was almost taller than Fili. Fili either didn’t notice or didn’t care, throwing off his coat and tossing his thick mane of blonde hair over his shoulder. ‘Watch and learn, brother.’

Fili and the man bowed shortly to each other and then rushed forward after a second’s pause. Kili could hardly keep up – Fili had always talked about footwork and focus but right now the only thing that appeared to matter was _fire_. He parried thrusts from the mysterious dark stranger and returned as good as he got despite the obvious height disadvantage. Kili was in awe. It was one thing to fend off Fili himself; another thing entirely to watch him fight someone else. It was both erotic and made Kili painfully envious. The looks the dark man was shooting Fili made him angry and he wanted to go over there and claim Fili for his own.

But he couldn’t, because he wasn’t allowed to. Fili said so. And Fili – shining, stunning, flawless Fili – had said that in public they were brothers only. So he bit his tongue and clutched his bow until his knuckles went white and prayed that Fili would win.

Fili did not win, as it happened, but the fight was very close, and the brunette man bowed with genuine appreciation once the grappling ended. ‘I am impressed. You are very skilled, Fili of the line of Durin.’

‘As are you,’ Fili replied. ‘I feel cheated, however, because I do not know your name.’

The dark man smiled. ‘You can call me Kheldar*.’

Kili frowned. He thought it best to remove Fili from the situation as quickly as possible so took Fili aside as he was sheathing his sword and said, ‘That’s enough sparring for today, don’t you think?’

‘I suppose,’ Fili agreed. ‘It was satisfactory. I can always come back later.’ He looked over to where Bard was polishing his sword, far too slowly and suggestively for Kili’s liking.

‘You didn’t win but I still feel as if I owe you a drink,’ Kheldar called out. He grinned crookedly. ‘Tonight, perhaps?’

‘Perhaps,’ Fili replied, but for all intents and purposes it sounded like _yes_. Kili wasn’t sure what to make of that – or rather, he knew exactly what to make of it, and it was just easier to feign ignorance. 

‘Or I can bring the drink to you,’ Kheldar continued boldly. ‘Whichever you prefer, Master Fili.’

Kili scoffed inwardly at the man’s presumptuousness – as if _that_ was going to happen. He took Fili’s elbow and steered him out of the practice yard, mentally cataloguing the fact that they probably shouldn’t return there again. At least, not together. Too many temptations. 

Unfortunately from the way that Kheldar’s eyes lingered on Fili as the left, it seemed like getting rid of him was not going to be a easy task.

‘The nerve!’ Kili fumed once they were out of earshot. ‘Looking at you as if you’re a cut of meat at the market. Those men, they have no shame at all.’

Fili gave him a sidelong glance, the sides of his mouth quirking. ‘You sound like a jealous lover, Kili.’

Kili frowned. Why shouldn’t he sound like a jealous lover? That’s what he was, after all. He opened his mouth to say so but the words never came, for Fili was striding ahead back in the direction of their home. ‘I’m hungry again!’ he shouted back. ‘Let’s pack some food and take the ponies for a run.’ And then he winked. Kili brightened immediately, for a it was a wink that said _I want to get you alone._

He had their ponies saddled and bridled and pawing at the dirt impatiently before Fili had time to fill even one pack.

***

They rode for perhaps three-quarters of an hour before stopping. It was a reasonably secluded area on the borders of Ered Luin, somewhat off the road, but there was a free-flowing stream an abundance of wildlife that made it popular for travellers. Kili was not terribly pleased. They were alone but they had to be careful – it was like being at home.

Fili jumped off his pony, tethered her to a tree and proceeded to urinate happily directly into the stream. ‘Oh, _don’t_ , brother, people drink from there,’ Kili chided. Fili snickered.

‘It’s harmless, I’m sure of it. You know, a healer told me once that if you piss on a wound, it cleans it?’

‘That’s disgusting. And I don’t believe that it’s true.’

‘Why would a healer lie?’ Fili shrugged. He prowled over to Kili rather exaggeratedly and kissed him hard without saying another word. Just as Kili was about to open his mouth for Fili’s tongue, the elder dwarf ended the kiss as quickly as it began, opened his pack and produced bread and cheese.

‘Mother was there and this is all she would give me,’ he explained apologetically. He cut them each a portion and then sat down on a rock to eat. Kili joined him, eyeing him oddly, disappointed that the kiss ended so abruptly but not drawing attention to the fact. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

‘You still haven’t told me where you acquired your…newfound talents,’ Fili said eventually. Kili glanced up sharply but Fili didn’t appear angry or jealous, just curious. 

He hesitated a moment before answering. ‘I went back to that brothel. It was the male twin. Lufur.’

‘ _Just_ Lufur?’

‘Yes,’ Kili replied without thinking. He fought to control the blush he could feel burning the tips of his ears. At best, if Fili found out about Lindir he’d tease Kili mercilessly. At worst, he’d tease Kili mercilessly, tell every soul on and around the Blue Mountains, and Kili’s life would effectively be over. Kili also felt oddly protective of Lindir, as he’d bared his soul so beautifully when they were together, not knowing what Kili would do with that information. 

Fili pursed his lips.

‘Truly,’ Kili added, as if it would help. He forced himself to look directly into Fili’s eyes and hold his brother’s gaze. Fili’s brow furrowed and his eyes flicked around Kili’s face as if he expected any falsehoods to be written across his nose.

‘If you say so,’ Fili smiled suddenly. ‘I hope Lufur was good to you.’

‘You were better,’ Kili replied immediately. He meant it, too. ‘You’ll always be better. You ruined me, remember?’

‘Ruined you,’ Fili chuckled. ‘Indeed I did.’ He looked around, arms spread, basking in the beautiful scene of nature before them. ‘I’m going to miss this, Kili.’

‘Miss it?’ Kili demanded sharply. ‘Why should it…is there some reason we cannot do this anymore?’

‘No, I mean, when we’re eventually living under the mountain and Thorin’s king and we’ll have to prepare ourselves for sovereignty. Or I will, rather. You’re off the hook unless something awful happens.’

‘Nothing awful is going to happen. How do you feel about that, by the way? Is it exciting? Knowing that our kin, and much of the world, will have to bend the knee to you?’

Fili threw the end of his bread in the direction of some birds. ‘It is exciting, I suppose. I don’t really have a choice. I just have to make the best of it. Besides, it might not even be me, if Thorin marries and has a son.’

Kili nodded. ‘That’s true, I suppose. And if not will you…will you be expected to marry and produce children?’

‘I believe so, yes. That’s what a good ruler does, you know. What’s best for the kingdom. And what’s best for the kingdom is to have a descendent of Durin on the throne.’

Kili nibbled insistently on the last remaining sliver of his bread. He felt quite ill. He’d got so caught up in the success of seducing Fili that he’d forgotten about the future. The future meant change. Change meant that Fili might not always be his.

‘But that’s years and years away, little brother, and anyway it might never happen. The dragon could be there forever. Thorin might not be able to recruit anyone for his suicide mission,’ Fili said with a laugh. ‘Don’t let it worry you. Now go and stand with your back to that tree and unlace your breeches, please.’

‘Why?’ Kili said defiantly.

‘Because we’re all alone and don’t have to keep silent out here. I thought I would make your voice go weak from shouting my name.’

Kili stifled a whimper. He got up from the ground and made for the tree, managing three steps before Fili dragged him over to the trunk and pressed their bodies together possessively, sucking a bruise under Kili’s ear that would definitely beg questions if anyone was to spot it. Then Fili dropped to his knees, opened his mouth and proceeded to make good on his promise to make Kili scream.

***

They weren’t gone all that long, really, but Thorin was still waiting for them when they returned, fresh from the forge and sweaty and wearing a glare like a storm cloud. Kili’s assumed the same pose of submission that he always did in Thorin’s presence, but not Fili – Fili bounced over to their uncle and bowed in their infuriating, slightly mocking manner of his.

‘Where have you two been?’ Thorin snapped. 

‘Just went for a ride,’ Fili told him contritely. ‘Nobody needed us around before we left.’

‘Well, you’re needed now. There’ve been rumours of orcs nearby. I need you to come with me and a group of others to see if there is any truth to these rumours. If there is, we will eliminate the problem.’

‘Of course,’ Fili agreed, eyes bright with bloodlust. 

‘I’ll come with you too, uncle,’ Kili added. He was a less skilled fighter than his brother but he was more than half-decent, especially with a bow, and anyway, he couldn’t bear to be left behind like a child. His body ached with humiliation when Thorin shook his head.

‘No, Kili, you must stay behind.’

‘Is it the bow?’ he couldn’t help but ask. ‘I know you don’t consider it too fine a weapon but truly, I’m very good, Fili can tell you – ‘

‘It isn’t just the bow,’ Thorin cut in. ‘It’s not prudent of me to take both my heirs on trips such as these. If something should happen to both of you it would be very unfortunate indeed. It’s for your own good, Kili.’ He did not see the roll of Kili’s eyes. ‘That aside, I need you to mind someone for me.’

‘ _Mind_?’

‘Look after Ori, Kili, that is an order not only as your elder but as your king. His brothers are both coming with your brother and I, and he’s…he’s a little odd. Has his nose in books most of the time. He’s very skilled as a scribe, though. Perhaps you could learn something from him.’ 

Kili clamped his mouth shut. Complaining would only get the both of them in trouble – him for being impertinent and Fili for not being able to control it like a good brother should. ‘Yes, Thorin.’

‘Good lad,’ Thorin said without looking at him and headed off in the direction of the armory; Fili following behind him, his eyes full of apologies. 

Kili muttered complaints and curses the whole way back to the stable to put away his pony. ‘I am _not_ a minder,’ he grated on the way back out. He was so busy wallowing in his bitterness that he ran right into another dwarf, who had also apparently not been paying attention to what he was doing. ‘Oof! Watch where you’re g – oh, hello, Ori.’

Ori looked up from the book he’d been immersed in. There were another three huge leather-bound volumes and five scrolls in his arms. ‘Hello, Kili. Have they left, then?’

Kili had seen Ori around before, of course, but didn’t know him well and couldn’t think of any reason to change that. Ori was a few years younger than him, polite and plain and bookish. He could not have been more different to Fili – in fact, that was probably why Kili never had time for him. He tried to appear moderately civil.

‘Yes, just a moment ago,’ he confirmed. ‘Ah…shall we keep each other company until their return?’

Ori looked at him pointedly. ‘Thorin asked you to, didn’t he.’

‘Er…’

‘Of course he did. Never mind. Yes, I would be grateful for the company.’

‘Shall we…um, are you hungry?’ Kili asked awkwardly.

‘That depends on what’s on offer,’ Ori replied primly. ‘But if you’re asking if I will accompany you to your house, yes, that would be nice. I need a table of some sort to lay all this out on. The taverns are no good, I just get nosy questions, and then laughed at, mostly.’

Kili felt a tiny bit sorry for him at that. He led Ori back to their house, hoping that Dís would be home – their mother was good at these sorts of conversations – but she wasn’t. She had, however, left a cake in the middle of the kitchen table.

‘Excellent!’ Kili exclaimed. ‘We can have some of this. Sit wherever you like, make yourself comfortable.’

Ori spread his things on the side of the table closest to the kitchen door, being careful to keep them lined up just so. He laid one of the books open and sat with his hands folded around each other, waiting as Kili presented him with a great slab of the cake. 

‘There’s apple in it,’ Kili said around a mouthful, ‘And some seeds. Might be nuts, too. Dig in, mother won’t mind.’

Ori bit into his slice carefully, the hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he tasted. ‘It is very good.’

The oppressive silence returned once both dwarves had finished eating. Kili coughed, looking around the small kitchen, thinking frantically for something to say. Finally he said, ‘So, erm. You like reading.’

‘Was that a question?’ Ori asked, both eyebrows raised. ‘It wasn’t a very clever one. Of course I like reading. I don’t carry these scrolls around for fun.’

Kili bristled. ‘There’s no need to be rude, I’m trying to make polite conversation. It’s also a genuine question. I don’t know many who _can_ read, let alone do it for pleasure. Prowess in battle is the preferred family trait that I’ve grown up with.’

Ori traced his fingers around the edge of the open book. ‘Well, I do read for pleasure. I also read because it’s useful. Information is sometimes worth more than gold, you know.’ He looked up at Kili. ‘Are you very upset about being left behind?’

Kili picked at some crumbs. ‘Moderately upset, I suppose. It’s just not fair! I might not be as good as Fili with the sword, but I’m above average with a bow. That’s useful too. Thorin just doesn’t see it. He prefers Fili, he always has. Everyone does.’ _Myself included,_ he added silently.

‘I see you in the yard sometimes, shooting at the targets. You are more than proficient,’ Ori said. Kili blinked in surprise.

‘Oh. Well, thank you, that’s very kind. Some people laugh at me. Especially other dwarves, they say the bow is an elvish weapon and I’m disgracing my kin.’

‘They laugh at me too,’ Ori said quietly. ‘I’m a little bit – odd looking, and I can’t really fight, and I read and write, which is as un-dwarvish a pastime as you can possibly get.’

‘You write?’ Kili said, surprised again. Then he felt foolish. If Ori could read it made sense to assume that he could write.

‘It’s how I make my living, in a manner of speaking,’ Ori told him. ‘People pay me to write things down for them. Some of them also pay me to teach them to read and write. That’s a bit harder, though. It requires more patience. Many people give up before they really get anywhere.’

‘Really?’ Kili thought about that. ‘Please don’t think that I’m insulting you, because I’m not, but ah – why would they ask you to do that?’

‘So they can pass on messages to someone leagues and leagues away, for one thing. So they can intercept messages that are being sent. Again, it comes down to information, it’s incredibly valuable. It’s more valuable in wartime, of course. And sometimes I am employed for romantic reasons.’

‘Romantic reasons?’

‘People – mostly men and ladies, I mean; most elves are well-educated and as I’ve said, most dwarves think it’s a waste of time – want to learn to write love notes with the intention of wooing someone. I mean, it’s a bit pointless sometimes, because what if you write a declaration of love to someone who can’t read? But most of them then take the note to someone who _can_ read, and it all works itself out in the end.’

‘Really?’ Kili said again. It didn’t sound like a bad idea at all, writing your feelings down. ‘Does it work? Is it useful in courting?’

Ori nodded. ‘Generally, yes. Not always, but the successes outnumber the failures.’

‘Do you think you could teach me?’

Ori put his head on his hands, thinking. ‘I don’t know. You would need to be committed. It isn’t easy, Kili.’

‘I don’t expect it to be. And I’m very committed. I don’t give up easily,’ he affirmed, thinking of Fili.

‘Is there someone you want to profess your love to?’ Ori inquired with a knowing grin. Kili tossed his head haughtily.

‘That’s none of your business, Ori. Will you teach me or not?’

Ori eyed him. ‘Perhaps. I want also to gain something from this arrangement.’ He paused again, lips askew as he thought some more. ‘Will you teach me how to shoot? With a bow?’

‘If that’s what you want,’ Kili said with a furrow of his brow. ‘But haven’t I just said how the bow isn’t highly praised among our kind?’

‘That doesn’t matter to me. I have some experience with a slingshot, so a bow is simply the next step. I will teach you to read and write and you will teach me to shoot. Do we have an accord?’ Ori extended his hand. Kili shook it firmly.

‘Marvelous! So, when do we start?’

‘How about now?’ Ori suggested. He gestured to his book. ‘Look at these markings here. We will start with the basics. This word, _abad_ , means ‘mountain’.’ Kili frowned at the page, touching the word with his finger as if it’d make more sense. ‘Look at it again. Remember the order of the letters. If you can remember them, you can write them.’

Kili’s mouth twisted. ‘This isn’t going to be easy, is it.’ 

Ori patted him on the back. ‘Nothing worth doing ever is.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Again borrowed from the Belgariad. I am a huge fan. In case you couldn’t tell. :D  
> I’ve used Ori’s age from movie canon rather than book canon. The one Khuzdul word in this story came from an online dictionary so I apologise in advance if it’s completely wrong.
> 
> Also, please bear with me guys, I’m just getting into the flow of this story, but I promise it does have a direction to go in and I’m kinda excited about it :P

**Author's Note:**

> * Names of barflies lovingly borrowed from The Belgariad series by David Eddings, God rest his soul. Obviously I have substituted 'Garath' for Belgarath and 'Mandor' for Mandorallen.


End file.
